I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
