Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
