The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
