I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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