dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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