If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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