I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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