imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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