I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
