I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
