Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
