fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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