if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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