Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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