and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A+ Viking dick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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