and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
