you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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