I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
