she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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