You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
