I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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