I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize