he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
