I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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