he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
