Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
