I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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