So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
