I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
