I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
