Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
