Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
