i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
