You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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