I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
