My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
