did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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