A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
