God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize