Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
