I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
