i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
