FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
