You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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