I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
