we have officially lost it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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