Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
