A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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