Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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