Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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