I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
