How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
