I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
