left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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