my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
