It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
