if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
how drunk are you?
Several
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
