Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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