Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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