True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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