maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
