wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
