Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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