It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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