Yo dont text me then not text me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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