can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
