You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
