i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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