Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
