My liver just broke up with me...
Screwed.edu
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
