May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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