Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I didn't notice because vodka
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
