Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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