I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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