I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
two words: eviction party
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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