We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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