what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
