What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
