If that was your dad, he is hot
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
