Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
