So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
