Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
