If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
