Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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