I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize