Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
